and then i saw it
saw it all all the mess
and blood and everythink
and mam agenst the kichin dor
the flor all stiky
and the wall all wet
and red an dad besid the kichen draw
i saw it saw it all
an wrot it down an ever word of it is tru
In this poem I see the state of a human mind during a traumatizing experience. All these mistakes on the page with things written wrong and with spelling errors, short incoherent sentences, I see this coming from the actual experience the author went through. From what I can gather this is a child of a couple- a disfunctional couple, and this child watched or was there when the male seriously injured or even killed his spouse. The author uses the mispelled words to put a message into the reader's mind and make an impact. His small but discrpitive words allow the reader to capture glimpses of what happened and there is no mistaking what actually happened. For example "all the mess/and blood and everythink" this shows to the reader that this experience was violent and obviously someone was hurt, it was a blood bath. Only five words and the reader is already impacted in this poem, the author does a great job of leaving impact with a small amount of words with very little discrpition.
This is good, Devyn. Be confident in your thoughts. If you believe it, sell it! Tell the reader why and be sure of yourself. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're missing half of the poem:
ReplyDeleteWriting
and then i saw it
saw it all all the mess
and blood and everythink
and mam agenst the kichin dor
the flor all stiky
and the wall all wet
and red and dad besid the kitchen draw
i saw it saw it all
an wrot it down an ever word of it is tru
You must take care to write in sentences,
Checky your spellings and your paragraphs.
Is this finished? It is rather short.
Perhaps next time you will have more to say.
I was about to point out the same! Though, ironically I’ve found it a very effective teaching device to give students (age 9 -12) the first half only, to ‘correct’ and ‘mark’, with comments - and then reveal the second. We then compare their reactions at each stage. It really stimulates discussion and thought about the real purpose and value of both education and poetry, as well as who gets to speak and define them. I find in every class I’ve taught this poem, there is at least one thoughtful student who resists the ‘correction’ exercise and guesses early on that something is very wrong.
ReplyDelete